A NEW BEGINING!

Today, I decided that I need to forgive the people in the past and present for hurting me, but most of all I need to learn to forgive myself for doing the same to others.

For those of you who don't know and those who know but are afraid to ask, I will tell this story as a healing tool for me. My entire life has been in a downward spiral for many years, and in the last few months prior to my hospitalization the spiralization was the worst, It was just harder and harder to hide. I have had a rough and crazy life, and most of the craziness has been brought on by myself not dealing with issues at the time they happen. With that being said I have been on medication for depression for many years, but just burying the hurt and pains of life. A few weeks age I was placed into a mental ward at a nearby hospital. I received a second chance at life and a new way to cope with things. I still have a long way to go with many many bumps in the road to fix; but I have to be positive about getting my life back in order.

Through this journey I have realized that I am mentally ill, and the only way to get better is to go through the rehabilitation process; which is what I am doing now. I have been diagnosed with: Severe Major Depressive Disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Anxiety Disorder, and Compulsive Eating Disorder. Some of you may be surprised, but most of you are probably not surprised at the diagnoses. I denied this for a long time, but now I am into my 4th week of intensive outpatient treatment and on my way to recovery.

I now attend group therapy 3 times a week and have 4 group sessions all done with an awesome counselor, who by the way can read me like a book. He knows when I have had a good day because I come in smiling and full of energy, but he knows when I am down because I pretend to be smiling and full of energy. I can't tell the difference. This counselor normally does not take patients from group and see them as an outpatient when discharged, but he has decided to take me. This is awesome for me because he knows me and my case. I still have another 4 weeks until I will be discharged from IOP, and the go to outpatient program. I want to change and get better!!

Know me as a person

NOT by my mental illness!

I am a friend, neighbor, and a

family member!

I am improving, and I will

recover!

I am a contributor to the American

Society!

I deserve DIGNITY and RESPECT!

I am ME!

Who will miss me when I'm gone?

This question popped into my mind today at church.

As I pack today to leave for a trip with my patients family, I think of the question:

Who will miss me when I'm gone?

I hope lots of people will miss me, but I hope that my girls and husband will miss me the most! Some people may think that I am crazy to take this trip with strangers / not family.

To you I say this:

These people are family just as my girls and husband are to me. They allow me into their home to care for their terminally ill handicap child. When I am around these people I have a since of peace, love, and hope.

I know that God has sent me to care for this child and sent me to this family for a reason.

These next few days will be hard, because I have never been away from my family for such an extended period of time. I know they will miss me, but I will miss them more.

As Father Roni mentioned today at mass: God has a yoke for each of us. That yoke, if taken from the Lord, will fit us perfect and will lead us on the right path.

I know what path I am going on it is the path of: truth, love, faith, and hope. I hope that everyone decides to put the yoke the Lord gives to us and follow that path.

Well, I am leaving tomorrow and will not be back until sometime on Saturday or Sunday. I hope no one misses me too much.

I LOVE YOU ALL!

Tie

Innocents of Friendship

Innocents of a Friendship!

Today, I am sadden by the loss of a great friend, not because of death but because we cannot live in the past. John and I have been friends since we were in high school. The days when we hung out at the beginning of D Hall just Roxanne, him, and I.

The days when his mom, Mrs. Donita, was alive and cheering for #83 for the South Lafourche Fighting Tarpons. Oh! How I miss Mrs. Donita and her smile. The same smile and laugh her son has today.

It took me sometime to realize that John and I's friendship could no longer be as it was back in the day, because we are not the same people we were back then. We had our share of conversations ones that I remember and some that he remembers. I love that boy like he was my brother, and would have done anything to protect him from being hurt.

One of my fondest memories of him is that he and I took the ASVAB test together and spoke to the same Army recruiter. At that time in my life; I was 18, overweight, low self-esteem, and had NEVER been away from home. That is why I choose NOT to sign up, and the fact that they wanted me to loose 80 pounds before basic training. John told me back then that the Army was the place he was going to be and he would make it his career! Which he did!

He married and has 2 children - Johnathan and Karen! I look on facebook to see them and they are both heading into successful lives. I am so very proud of my best friend from high school, and I don't think he will ever know!

On August 25th at Ft Bragg, North Carolina he will receive honors for retirement,

serving his time in the US Army!

I wish my family and I could attend, but it is not possible because of many reasons!

I have decided that I can no longer take the drama of his military family and so called friends. It was over 23 years since we had spoken, and I guess we will not speak to each other for another 23 or so years.

John, this is for you!

I have been and always will be proud to call you my friend.

I know on August 25th, your mom will be looking down from heaven as you receive your honor of retirement. She has been and always will be proud of you! You are always going to be my brother!

The military has changed you, and we cannot change the past we can only focus on the future. I would have loved to see you again, and to have you meet my family. But I know that is not possible anymore because of your life. You will always be in my thoughts and prayers as much today as you have been in the past. I know your mom, dad, and brother are proud of what you have done for our country!

Thank you for doing an awesome job fighting for out freedom, and good luck in your civilian life!

Always and Forever,

Tie

What is a marriage?

What is Marriage?

I have asked myself this many times over the last few years.

IS MARRIAGE:

Being a mother to your husband?

Being the maid for the family?

Being a slave?

Living in a world of your own with no one else in your life?

I know that these things are not what I want for my marriage!

My defination of marriage is a union between a husband and wife, who take a vow to love one another no matter what happens! Through good times and bad, in sickness and health, and to love, honor, and cherish until death do them apart.

Well, on July 24, 1998 Gilbert and I took this vow and I know we have to do what God wants us to do.

We will live as husband and wife!

We will raise our children within the Catholic Church!

We will be a family!

I love this man, always have and always will! He has given me many reasons to love him that are personal and really don't want to share.

GILBERT,

I LOVE YOU TODAY AND FOREVER!

I KNOW GOD HAS SENT YOU TO ME TO LOVE, HONOR, AND CHERISH UNTIL DEATH DO US APART!

THANKS FOR LISTENING TO MY WORDS!

REMEMBER, I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU!

TIE

The New Blog! Hope everyone likes it!

These are the 2 most important people in my life! Angelique who is the one with glasses, and Dominique who is with the biggest smile ever. Some people may think that I am not the BEST mother in the world, but ask these girls who they love the most, and I can bet u they will say, "My Mom and Dad!" I was raised that we never said the words, "I love you!"; but it was to be understood that we all did love each other. I told myself that when I had children I would tell them I LOVE YOU as many times a day as I could! Both of them wake up in the morning and say those words, and when they go to bed at night they do the same. I love to have them kiss me too, and I know Gilbert feels the same. Although we argue, fuss, and fight we never miss the opportunity to say those 3 magic words that I missed as a child (I LOVE YOU!!). It is no ones fault that this did not happen, but there is no reason why it can't start now.
I will leave everyone with this: NEVER MISS OUT ON THE OPPORTUNITY TO SAY THOSE THREE MAGIC WORDS! You may make someone change their life, and make our world a better place!

I LOVE YOU, MOM AND DAD!
I LOVE YOU, ANGELIQUE AND DOMINIQUE!
I LOVE YOU, GILBERT!

Prayer:
Dear Lord: I ask that you help me put LOVE back into our world! I know that every little things counts for something. Lord, please send out your spirit and renew the face of the Earth!
In Your name we pray! AMEN